"I wanna hang a map of the world at my house. Then I wanna stick pins in the locations that I`ve traveled to.
...But first I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won`t fall down."
-Mitch Hedberg

Thursday, February 25, 2010

What Not to Pack

We scoured the internet for tips. We read every travel blog. We grilled other backpackers for info. We even asked a magic 8 ball. But after all of that, Carolyn and I created a simple two step system of packing for a one-year trip to New Zealand:

1) Wait until the night before the flight to pack.
2) Bring tons of useless stuff.

It’s working so far.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!
In addition to the pounds of clothes, jackets, computers, guide books, boots, sleeping bags, and stuff we actually need, here are a few items we just couldn’t leave behind:

1 black wool peacoat
4 pairs of jeans
2 huge metal belt buckles
1 white button down shirt
1 dental retainer
1 plastic brontosaurus named “Brendan.”

1 Russian style winter hat
1 Italian leather jacket
72 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
1 4’x6’ American flag
17 pairs of underwear & 10 pairs of socks
1 pair of knee high suede boots
Brendan rules guess i should have left my anvil collection at home
Quick Travel Tip:
If your bag gets tagged as “HEAVY - BEND YOUR KNEES” by support belt wearing behemoths whose job is to fling around super heavy bags all day – you messed up.

Travel experts may say don’t pack jeans, bulky jackets, mounds of chocolate, plastic dinosaurs, and more underwear than you can wear in a year – we’re not listening.

In all my travels I’ve found that no one cares how good at packing you are. I don’t need tips on how to shrink wrap my t-shirts. We’re not impressed by your stupid “fknoon” (a fork, knife, and spoon fused together). Actually, a fknoon would be pretty sweet…
the ''k'' is silent
The old saying, “Take half the clothes and double the money,” is for crybabies. We say, “Take twice the clothes, almost no money, and a plastic dinosaur.”

Do not forget the dinosaur.

Like I said before, it’s working so far.


  1. I like plastic dinosaurs... I think at one point I had a ceramic dragon. When backpacking, a plastic dinosaur is definitely a better choice than a ceramic dragon. Good choice.

  2. You should have considered taking Parker. He would have scoured New Zealand & brought you back food for when you & Carolyn get taken out by a giant tuatara & are stranded for days on end. MJ would have kept you company during this time, cuddling & licking your bite wounds.

    OK, we just really miss you guys & I have found a weird outlet to express it.

  3. I love it! LOL Man, I was smiling the whole way through! Thanks for that! You guys are awesome and I'm totally stoked for you!
    One question Shawn...how many pairs of underwear did you bring? HMMM???